It's too late to be writing this. Too late to be getting home from work and not going immediately to sleep. I will regret this in the morning, absolutely. But with a grainy bright gray projection on the screen of our monitor showing that rambunctious boy sleeping soundly still I have to take this moment in. It's after midnight, my God. I've thought each day of logging an entry and have failed. These kids are reeking havoc on ability to have a personal moment of reflection. But what do I do with that moment? I reflect on them. What do I do when I go to work? When I finally, after days and days, get out of the house? I talk about them. Every single chance I get. I'll leap through that door if you open it. Have a kid? Oh yeah! Me too! Two wonderfully quirky, weird, inquisitive kids that light up my life like the fourth of July. Seriously, as exhausted as I am lately I've been having such a wonderful time with them. Today, for example, we walked in the rain. Tessa found an orange salamander and vowed to keep it safe forever. Till she let it go in our garden. Thatcher let me know when it was time for a nap by pointing to the bed. We all got in a nap together. I couldn't sleep (for a while at least). Lying there in a perfect lovey baby sandwich. Cuddling, breathing, living. My mantra lately is "live". Just live life the way it's supposed to be lived. Lightly and with love. I want to stop carrying around guilt and exhaustion and irritability. Anger of any kind is useless (my dad used to say). Don't worry, be happy. Cliche yes, but oh so right. Tomorrow (today I guess) we'll play in puddles, catch salamanders, eat whatevers in the house and nap. Sounds like Eden. 
