Living La Vida Tired

Bean is napping for the first time in days and so of course as fate would have it Minnow is wide awake. This being his normal (if anything can be considered normal yet) afternoon sleepy time. Last night was incredible in that he slept from 10 pm till 5 am - straight! Eureka! Although I can't seem to start dreaming till midnight I was overcome with energy by 6 am after an hour of seeing how far I could push my luck and get him back to sleep before Bean opened her eyes. As if on cue he shut his little eyes tight right as she groggily rolled over to first Jason and then me asking and soon pleading to get up and eat breakfast. Since I have a hard time denying my children nourishment when they ask for it I was up and have been since, siestas no longer being an option in my day. I know I should be grateful they're both sleeping as much as they are, and I am. I just like to make note of this so that in two or three or ten years when I read this over I'll better appreciate the king size bed that has just two bodies in it rather than four. Let's hope.

Y?

Home in my golden mustard colored bedroom alone with my son. The sun doesn't come through the windows this time of day. It skips over the street and breaks into the trees across the road. It seems strange that I don't know those woods and I wonder if I ever will. A robin flies into the front door window repeatedly. It's sickening, the thud. I suppose it thinks it's being all heroic and macho fighting off a very determined foe. I'm convinced it's a male and this frankly ridiculous behavior is innate. It worries me. I watch my sweet and gentle daughter play doctor over and over and kiss her baby brother (somewhat) softly first thing in the morning and last thing at night and I wonder how different they will be. I see crazy crazy kids out there (boys and girls) bashing each other and screaming for the sake of screaming and I think thank God I've got off lucky. Beanie has her two and a half year old tendencies, her tantrums are fairly regular these days but still she's just so gentle. She's so cuddly and loving and I melt when I put her down for a nap and she smiles as she drifts off almost nose to nose with me holding both my hands. And now, my secret fear of the Y chromosome is exposed. Looking down at Minnow, his soft little breaths, his animal squeals, his sweet cry.... it seems so un-masculine. How do I keep him this way? How do I stop the world from corrupting this perfect being into thinking he needs to be more than just a body of love? Is it possible to keep him from flying again and again into hard glass to prove himself? Can my nurture mold him as much as nature? He is surrounded by sensitive yet strong men (or strongly sensitive men? haha) so I'm holding my hopes high.