Hiding

At the moment I am hiding in the bathroom. No lie. I didn't lock the kids up somewhere nor are they clawing and crying at the door, I'm not that bad. Beanie is watching a show and Minnow is taking his quick morning nap. I have but five minutes to myself after I jump in and out of the shower; the only thing making me feel like a living person. Brushing my hair and teeth help too. If I happen to have a second to use the fabulous Burt's Bee's Wild Lettuce Toner I'm in absolute spa mode. Shikai Yuzu lotion on my feet? I'm transported back to Burlington. Loomis Street sitting on the couch by that big back window. Lounging, black coffee cooling on that little wooden whale table, NPR, oats and soy milk, computer without Facebook. Fearless squirrels travelling back and forth on the other side of the glass. Working that lotion onto my chapped feet, my biggest concern of the moment. How to condition my feet better? Hmm... Forget it. Bike ride, off to the gym, a vegan scone from Stone Soup, coffee from Uncommon Grounds, Sevendays, the Crow, work, make a bunch of money, guilt-free midnight nachos at the Pub and Brewery with Jason, beers, sleep, wake up, repeat. Ahh...

Of course I'm trying to forget that this time is sandwiched between years of complete loss of identity, breakdowns with no bottom, dark holes of loneliness. Life was not so perfectly uncomplicated for long and even when it was weren't we feeling map less? No course set, anxious for life to really begin?

So here it is. Days in and out full of exhaustion, stress, kisses, dirty diapers, bedtime stories, bubble baths, tears, whines, first steps, heart shape waffles, allergies, bumps and bruises, hiding in the bathroom from it all... Stepping out and examining the current chapter, looking back and forward again. Breathing. Smiling (sometimes through tears). Opening the door and running towards the sound of your own life. The one you wouldn't trade for anything in the world. Thankful for all the different seasons of your crazy life. Thankful for a few minutes to hide. Thankful for this Yuzu lotion.